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The trouble with penalty shootouts is that they are one-on-one, not team-on-team, and therefore not truly representative. So here is a suggestion for FIFA: replace penalties with headbutting.

The two teams pair off, player-to-player, and each has five butts against the other. Whoever scores the most knockdowns without breaking the opponent’s ribcage wins the match.

– Jeremy Taylor  

Caroline Taylor

Caroline is an editor and staff writer at MEP. She is also on MEP’s board of directors, and moonlights as an actor, singer, and director. She’s passionate about telling stories – on the page, on the stage, on screen – and in particular about documenting Caribbean lives and events. She’s currently trying to master unplugging from her iLife… For more: Author posts

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